Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
