I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
