All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
