Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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