Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
