I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
