I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
