drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
