you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
