she woke up with a sticky ear
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
