Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
