Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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