hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
