my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
