so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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