So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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