I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
