Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
