We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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