its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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