i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
