Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
