he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
