I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize