Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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