I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
