the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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