he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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