I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
