oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
