he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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