end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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