Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
