so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
