Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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