I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
