well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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