did you get engaged???
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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