I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
