I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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