the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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