i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
