she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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