and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
