I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
