you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
