I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
