i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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