It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
