i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
