Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
