You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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