I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
