i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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