I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
