They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
