toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
