i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
