It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
