We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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