She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
