My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
