420 ftw
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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