Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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