we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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