I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
