remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
