if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
