did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
