you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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