we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
