If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh god it's open bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
