She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
