our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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