I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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