I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
