Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize