My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize