If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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