i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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