Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
