Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
