Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
PANTIES FOUND
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