I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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