i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
