You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
